Update

Hey everyone sorry about not posting yesterday. I was feeling very anxious and depressed. I have been going through some emotional times recently and that has completely blocked my creativity. I woke up today feeling so much better. I will be streaming later today at twitch.tv/vanillalicks you can find out when by following me on twitter at twitter.com/vanillalicks or you can just donate at https://tiltify.com/events/st-jude-68061dcc-6044-49da-a6df-2c4fc95cd803/donate

and donate to St. Jude. I am trying to raise $100. Thank you and I will have a story for you on Friday.

You realize your crush is following you home. What do you do?

Amber was a typical middle school student. She had the usual celebrity crushes and crushes on some of her classmates. She really liked this one kid. His name was Syd, he was named after Syd Vicious. He was mysterious and brooding. All the girls had crushes on him.

One day Amber noticed that Syd was following her home. She knew he lived on the other side of town, so it was weird to see him on her street. She continued walking pretending not to notice him. Then Syd called her name. Amber turned around and said “What? Why are you following me, it’s sorta creepy.”

Syd replied “I’m sorry. I am not trying to freak you out. I just can’t go home and was hoping maybe I could hang out with you. I just didn’t know how to ask.”  Amber responded “Why can’t you go home and why me?”

“I can’t go home because well we don’t really have one. I can’t hang out in the shelter so I have to find something else to do during the day. I get really lonely. I chose you because you seem really nice and understanding. I mean you’re not like those other girls who just have a crush on me. You seem to actually pay attention to me.”

“Oh ok. I’m sorry you don’t have a place to stay. Yeah you can hang out with me as much as you want. My mom will be more than happy to feed you too.” She walked toward him and they began walking together back to her place. She understood what he was going through. She grew up in a similar situation, her family just managed to get out of it and make it far enough out of poverty that they had a house.

Amber’s mom was completely accepting of Syd and offered to feed him. She even offered Syd and his Dad a place to stay. They eventually moved in with Amber and her family. Amber and Syd grew really close over the years and became best friends. All they girls were jealous of Amber because they all thought that her and Syd were dating. When in reality they were just really good friends, she initially was attracted to Syd but that morphed into caring about him the was she would a brother.  Also Syd was gay and no one else knew that.

-B

Image from google image

What’s the saddest thing you’ve ever felt? What did it feel like? How did you overcome this sadness?

The saddest and most upsetting thing that has ever happened to me was when my mom died. I was on campus at my college. I had just finished lunch with my friend and I was scheduled for therapy. I had time to kill before that so I decided to call my mom like I did every day. My grandma answered and she was crying and she told me my mom had died. At first I didn’t believe this and thought it was a cruel joke. It wasn’t. I called my boyfriend who is now my husband and told him. He came and picked me up from school and dropped me off at home. I wrote an email to my teachers because this was also right before finals were supposed to start. I tried to sleep but it didn’t work. My husbands mom was coming in that night because we were going to see TSO do their Beethoven show. The next day we were supposed to be at risk for tornadoes. So I got the closet all cleaned out and when the siren went off his mom and I got in the closet. We had the door open and were watching the tv. Then it started to sound like a train was coming right at us, so we closed the door. The lights went off. Once the noise was over we got out of the closet and went to look out the window to see what had happened outside. I got my mp3 player and we plugged in headphones so we could hear the radio. There were so many tornadoes and I hadn’t lived in AL long enough to know where those places were so we just hung out in the closet.

My grief was so intense. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I was glad for the distraction. I was also glad that the tornado knocked out the power for a week so my finals were cancelled and we could just take the grade we had. During that time we also got to know our neighbors because we were using up all of our frozen food and they had a grill. I really just wanted something warm in my tummy. I was grateful for all of the distractions that were happening. I did take moments where I just went into the closet and sobbed. I still feel pain. I still cry over things that I want to tell my mom or things that I know my mom would have liked. The only thing that has lessened the pain is time. I don’t think it will ever go away fully but it has gotten easier.

-B

Thank you for reading. I know it’s sad. This photo was of one of the last visits I had with my mom. We went on a safari in Santa Rosa. It was really cool. My mom hated to have her picture taken so I don’t have very many pictures and she wouldn’t want me to put hers online so I am not going to. So enjoy this picture of a zebra.